Sub-duvet Ramblings

Placebo - Meds (Lyrics)

2007-07-24T10:02:00.000Z

I was alone, Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget
What happened to us,
What happened to me,
What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,
Forgetting names and faces.
Passers by were looking at me
As if they could erase it

Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,
Staring over the ledge,
Trying my best not to forget
All manner of joy
All manner of glee
And our one heroic pledge

How it mattered to us,
How it mattered to me,
And the consequences

I was confused,
By the birds and the bees
Forgetting if I meant it

Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,
Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget

Mental Health Services in Ireland - Where to get help

2007-07-16T21:22:00.000Z

As I'm writing this blog from Ireland I thought I would summarise some of the services available for those who suffer from a mental health problem in Ireland.

Please note, if you have not been diagnosed with a mental illness but feel you need to find help your family doctor is usually the first person to approach in relation to mental health concerns. Your GP can then decide if they can treat you themselves or they may refer you to members of a mental health team. In an emergency situation when your GP is not available you may access the mental health services through your local mental health unit or hospital.

AWARE - a voluntary organisation that aims to provide support group meetings for people with depression and manic depression and their families. They also run a helpline (Lo-Call: 1890 303 302) which is a non-judgmental listening service

Schizophrenia Ireland - a national organisation dedicated to advocating for the rights and needs of those affected by schizophrenia and related illnesses and to promoting and providing best quality services for the people it serves. There are support groups for sufferers and their families around the country which meet on a monthly basis to discuss issues around schizophrenia and provide information and support for all. Helpline: 1890 621 631 (Mon-Fri 9-4, local call charge)

Bodywhys - provides help, support and understanding for people with eating disorders, their families and friends through a helpline (Lo-call: 1890 200 444 ) and regular support groups.

Out and About (OANDA) - national organisation for sufferers of agoraphobia. Ph. 01 - 833 8252

GROW - an organisation which helps people who have suffered, or are suffering, from mental health problems. Its principal strength is the support members give to each other from their own experiences with mental health (network of more than 145 support groups throughout the country)

Treatment resistant depression or bipolar II disorder?

2007-07-16T20:52:00.000Z

Ok.. well where do I start?...............

I have always been told that I have treatment resistant depression. You name the medication and I've tried it... I've got to the stage that I have to keep a big list of the meds I have tried so that my psychiatrist doesn't waste my time by trying meon something which has already not worked!

Anyways..... I'm not your 'typical' depressed person or what my experience of depressed people has been like. My mood can fluctuate quite rapidly (often within a day) and although I do get great highs they are nowhere near as extreme as my lows (which usually require hospitalisation). Recently I have been reading articles which have suggested that a lot of those in my position may actually have bipolar disorder, or bipolar II to be more precise. Let me update you on what I've come across......

Several recent studies indicate that a substantial number of patients with bipolar depression, especially bipolar II depression, are initially diagnosed with unipolar major depressive disorder. For example, Ghaemi and colleagues found that bipolar disorder was misdiagnosed as unipolar depression in 37% of patients who initially sought treatment with a mental health clinician following their first manic or hypomanic episode.

Moreover, an average of 10 years elapsed between the onset of mood symptoms and accurate diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Why is bipolar depression so difficult to diagnose? First, hypomanic and even manic episodes may go unreported by patients.

Second, more than 50% of patients with bipolar disorder experience a depressive episode as their first mood episode. Third, although atypical depressive symptoms (eg, hyperphagia, hypersomnia, profound fatigue, and psychomotor retardation) may occur more commonly in bipolar depression, they are not pathognomic symptoms for bipolar depression and can occur in unipolar depression as well. Fourth, the diagnosis of bipolar II disorder, bipolar disorder NOS, and cyclothymia can be difficult to diagnose because the brief and relatively mild excursions into hypomania may be difficult for patients to recall or characterize as abnormal, and therefore difficult for clinicians to elicit.

Ok so quick DSM IV summary of bipolar II:

Presence (or history) of one or more Major Depressive Episodes.
Presence (or history) of at least one Hypomanic Episode.
There has never been a Manic Episode or a Mixed Episode.
The mood episodes in Criteria A and B are not better accounted for by Schizoaffective Disorder and is not superimposed on Schizophrenia, Schizophreniform Disorder, Delusional Disorder, or Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

(video) Schizophrenia Educational Video

2007-05-30T16:02:00.000Z

This is a comprehensive 30 minute long educational video about Schizophrenia. It was Written and produced by those who live with mental illness.

(video) Depression and how you can make a difference

2007-05-27T12:43:00.000Z

I made this video today and uploaded it on youtube. It contains a brief overview of the symptoms of depression and also has some advice on how to help someone you care about who suffers from depression. I belive stigma surrounding mental illnesses such as depression can be reduced by making information easily available.

The music on the video is '9 crimes' by Damien Rice.

Tips to Stop Binge Eating

2007-05-26T23:50:00.000Z

The official definition of binge eating disorder describes a person who:

eats very large amounts of food in a rapid manner

within a short period of time (two hours or so)

two or more times a week

for a period of six months or more

accompanied by a feeling of being out of control.

Here are some tips for stopping the vicious binge eating cycle which can occur for many people with eating disorders:

1. Always eat breakfast. Yes, even you have binged the night before!
2. Try to identify the emotions which are triggering you to binge so that you can learn to recognise and cope with these emotions in a more productive way.
3. Identify your trigger foods and ensure they are not easily available to you.
4. Make a list of some non-food rewards which you can treat yourself to after a binge-free day (e.g. a trip to the cinema, a new book, a manicure)
5. Slow down your eating. Teach yourself to put down your knife and fork a few times whilst you are eating. Even if you are binging! Teach your body that you are in control when it comes to food and that you do not need to turn to an autopilot!
6. For all meals sit at a table with no distractions such as tv or reading material. Let your body have time to register that you are eating.
7. If you binge, take time afterwards to write down how you feel both physically and emotionally. Read back over these accounts to help yourself slowly associate the binge with the negative consequences.
8. Never attempt to restrict your food intake after a binge to compensate. This will only lead to your body becoming naturally hungry and increase the chances that you will binge again. Always have the next scheduled meal after you binge. Yes, you may feel bad, but trust me your body needs to know there is no point in binging as you are always going to be there to feed it. 3 meals a day!
9. Have a list of distracting activities (non food-related) ready for whenever you have the urge to binge - ring a friend, bring the dog for a walk, watch a dvd...
10. Incorporate gentle exercise (not excessive exercise!) into your daily routine. Simple activities like house work, walking or dancing to your favourite music will increase the level of endorphins in your body and boost your mood.

Deception & Eating Disorders

2007-05-26T19:57:00.000Z

Ok so here's my little topic for the day.... deception and eating disorders....

Deceptive behaviour plays a key role in many eating disorders.

Individuals with Anorexia will eventually resort to lying about their quantity of food intake to those around them. Common excuses such as 'no thanks, I had a huge breakfast today or 'I'm planning to meet someone soon for dinner' in an attempt to hide their behaviour will be commonplace. The anorexic is an expert in deceiving those around them in order to maintain control over their own food intake. This deception can also extend to the secret abuse of laxatives or diuretics.

Bulmics will often maintain normal eating habits in front of others and binge behind closed doors. They often maintain a normal body weight whilst being stuck in a secret cycle of binging and purging. This will often lead to the overpowering urge to purge which is covered in a shroud secrecy - the tip toes to the bathroom to 'get something out of one's eye', the prolonged 'showers', the taps turned on full blast to drown out the noise, the secret abuse of laxatives or diuretics.....

Self-deception can be seen in the eating disordered individual as they repeatedly tell themselves what they are doing is justified and often many individuals believe their own behaviour does not fall under classification of an eating disorder. The eating disorder itself may feel as if it is the sufferers best friend, the constant in their life of chaos.

Lyrics - I Am What I Am (Gloria Gaynor)

2007-05-26T19:55:00.000Z

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world
That I want to have a little pride
My world
And it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam
Till I can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame
Till you can shout out I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am I am I am good
I am I am I am strong
I am I am I am worthy
I am I am I belong

I am

I am

Who whoooo etc.
I am

I am I am I am useful
I am I am I am true
I am I am somebody
I am as good as you

Yes I am

Quotes on Depression

2007-05-24T00:00:00.000Z

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
-Charlie Brown

Depression is the inability to construct a future.
-Rollo May

It seemed like this was one big Prozac nation, one big mess of malaise. Perhaps the next time half a million people gather for a protest march on the White House green it will not be for abortion rights or gay liberation, but because we're all so bummed out.
-Elizabeth Wurtzel

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately."
-A. A. Milne

"Good morning, Eeyore," said Pooh.
"Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning, which I doubt," said he.
"Why, what's the matter?"
"Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it."
"Can't all what?" said Pooh, rubbing his nose.
"Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush."
-A. A. Milne

Every act of life, from the morning toothbrush to the friend at dinner, became an effort. I hated the night when I couldn't sleep and I hated the day because it went toward night.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Depression is melancholy minus its charms.
- Susan Sontag

I cling to depression, thinking it a form of truth.
-Mason Cooley

My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known - no wonder, then, that I return the love.
-Soren Kierkegaard

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.
- Kahlil Gibran

One ceases to recognize the significance of mountain peaks if they are not viewed occasionally from the deepest valleys.
- Dr. Al Lorin

My world falls apart, crumbles, “The center cannot hold.” There is no integrating force, only the naked fear, the urge of self-preservation. I am afraid. I am not solid, but hollow. I feel behind my eyes a numb, paralyzed cavern, a pit of hell, a mimicking nothingness. I never thought. I never wrote, I never suffered. I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb. I do not know who I am, where I am going—and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions. I long for a noble escape from freedom—I am weak, tired, in revolt from the strong constructive humanitarian faith which presupposes a healthy, active intellect and will. There is nowhere to go…
–Sylvia Plath, journal, November 3, 1952

But depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day—wham!—there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to kill you. Depression is a lot like that: Slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable. But you won’t even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about turning eight or twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realize that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live.
–Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

A large proportion of my best friends are a little bit crazy. … I try to be cautious with my friends who are too sane. Depression is itself destructive, and it breeds destructive impulses: I am easily disappointed in people who don’t get it…
–Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon

Melancholy men, of all others, are the most witty.
–Aristotle

I wondered if I was just the sum of my brain scan, little dots clustered in my frontal lobe. Is that where the poems came from? The desire to destroy myself? This last depression had scared me. It had come on so quickly, not like the gradual woolgathering in my brain I had known before. –Betsy Lerner, Food and Loathing

Rituals, even unhappy ones, provide a measure of comfort. Like a superstitious ballplayer who will only use certain bats, my depression rituals have become a fixed, normal part of my life. … I need rituals to prevent unnecessarily rocking my already shaky emotional boat.
–David Karp, “An Unwelcome Career”

Everything great that we know has come to us from neurotics. They alone have founded our religions and created our masterpieces. Never will the world be aware of how much it owes to them, nor above all what they have suffered in order to bestow their gifts on it.
–Marcel Proust, Remembrance of Things Past: Juermantes Way

I’d been depressed before, of course. But I’m talking about really depressed. Not just feeling a bit down or sad, a depression that has something to do with biorhythms. I’m talking about the kind of depressed that floats in upon you like a fog. You can feel it coming and you can see where it is going to take you but you are powerless, utterly powerless to stop it. I know now.
–Alan Cumming, Tommy’s Tale

Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of that despair. When it comes, it degrades one’s self and ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection. It is the aloneness within us made manifest, and it destroys not only connection to others but also the ability to be peacefully alone with oneself.
–Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance. It is tumbleweed distress that thrives on thin air, growing despite its detachment from the nourishing earth. It can be described only in metaphor and allegory…Grief is a humble angel who leaves you with strong, clear thoughts and a sense of your own depth. Depression is a demon who leaves you appalled.
–Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

In the psychological literature, depression is often seen as a defense against sadness. But I’ll take sadness any day. There is no contest. Sadness carries identification. You know where it’s been and you know where it’s headed. Depression carries no papers. It enters your country unannounced and uninvited. Its origins are unknown, but its destination always dead-ends in you.
–Martha Manning, Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface

I sometimes wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic-fear which is inherent in the human situation.
–Graham Greene

I tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star! –Friedrich Nietzsche

It is as if my life were magically run by 2 electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative—whichever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it.
–Sylvia Plath, in her journal

I’m a happy-go-lucky manic-depressive. It does get very deep and dark for me, and it gets scary at times when I feel I can’t pull out of it. But I don’t consider myself negative-negative. I’m positive-negative.
–Tim Burton

I didn’t want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anyone spoke to me, or looked at me too closely, the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week.
–Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I’m getting less good at faking it. People in my family are noticing and asking what’s wrong. My friends give me invitations to talk, to cry. I love them for their caring, but I want to run from it. I have lost their language, their facility with words that convey feelings. I am in new territory and feel like a foreigner in theirs.
–Martha Manning, Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface

What is the DSM IV?

2007-05-22T21:38:00.000Z

Psychiatric diagnoses are categorized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th. Edition. Better known as the DSM-IV, the manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association and covers all mental health disorders for both children and adults. It also lists known causes of these disorders, statistics in terms of gender, age at onset, and prognosis as well as some research concerning the optimal treatment approaches.

Mental health professionals such as psychologists and psychiatrists use this manual when working with patients in order to better understand their illness and potential treatment and to help 3rd party payers (e.g., insurance) understand the needs of the patient. The book is typically considered the ‘bible’ for any professional who makes psychiatric diagnoses in the United States and many other countries.

The DSM uses a multiaxial or multidimensional approach to diagnosing because rarely do other factors in a person's life not impact their mental health. It assesses five dimensions as described below:

Axis I: Clinical Syndromes

This is what we typically think of as the diagnosis (e.g., depression, schizophrenia, social phobia)

Axis II: Developmental Disorders and Personality Disorders

Developmental disorders include autism and intellectual disabilities, disorders which are typically first evident in childhood

Personality disorders are clinical syndromes which have a more long lasting symptoms and encompass the individual's way of interacting with the world. They include Paranoid, Antisocial, and Borderline Personality Disorders.

Axis III: Physical Conditions which play a role in the development, continuance, or exacerbation of Axis I and II Disorders

Physical conditions such as brain injury or HIV/AIDS that can result in symptoms of mental illness are included here.

Axis IV: Severity of Psychosocial Stressors

Events in a persons life, such as death of a loved one, starting a new job, college, unemployment, and even marriage can impact the disorders listed in Axis I and II. These events are both listed and rated for this axis.

Axis V: Highest Level of Functioning

On the final axis, the clinician rates the person's level of functioning both at the present time and the highest level within the previous year. This helps the clinician understand how the above four axes are affecting the person and what type of changes could be expected.

(video) Imagine This

2007-05-20T21:52:00.000Z

This is an audio mash up of George W. Bush singing the John Lennon classic "Imagine". Made me think...

(video) Frontier Psychiatry - The Avalanches

2007-05-18T15:32:00.001Z

(video) PaxilBack - Parody of Justin Timberlake's SexyBack

2007-05-17T15:30:00.000Z

The Gray Kid and Daniel Stessen. Written and Directed by People Food. Parody of Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack."

"I cannot make my phone ring by looking at it" ;)

(video) The secret life of the manic depressive

2007-05-17T15:27:00.000Z

Clip from a very insightful documentary about bipolar disorder.Includes interview with Tony Slattery and Stephen Fry. Narrated by Stephen Fry.

(video) Bipolar Episode 8: An interview with Madonna

2007-05-17T15:21:00.000Z

An Interview with Madonna Part I. Madonna has Bipolar Disorder. She talks about what her mania and depression is like.

(video) Bipolar Episode 5(ii): An interview with Debra

2007-05-17T15:17:00.000Z

An interview with Debra Part II. Debra is an account executive with bipolar disorder (formerly called manic depression). She also talks about how difficult it has been for her family to deal with her mental illness.

(video) Bipolar Episode 5(i): An interview with Debra

2007-05-17T15:16:00.000Z

An interview with Debra -Part I. Debra is an account executive with bipolar disorder (formerly called manic depression). She also talks about how difficult it has been for her family to deal with her mental illness.

(video) Bipolar Episoder 4: An interview with Megan

2007-05-17T15:14:00.000Z

An interview with Megan. Megan is a 25-year old graduate student with Bipolar Disorder.

(video) Bipolar Episode 2: Beyond mania and depression

2007-05-17T15:11:00.000Z

Beyond Mania and Depression contains additional information about bipolar disorder (manic depression). It is designed to educate people about this form of mental illness. Bipolar disorder effects nearly 1% of the population.

(video) Bipolar Episode 1 : What is bipolar disorder? What is manic depression?

2007-05-17T15:09:00.000Z

This video (Episode 1) explains the signs and symptoms bipolar disorder (manic depression).

(video) Insight in Schizophrenia - Dr. Xavier Amador

2007-05-17T14:11:00.000Z

Dr. Xavier Amador, author of "I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help", gives a talk about insight in individuals with schizophrenia at a conference.

Xavier Amador is an adjunct professor in Clinical Psychology at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York City and is on the Board of Directors of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). He is a clinical psychologist who treats adults, children, and adolescents in individual, couples and family therapy

Playlist for a blah day

2007-05-17T13:39:00.000Z

Song To Say Goodbye - Placebo
Numb - Linkin Park
Meds - Placebo
Cannonball -Damien Rice
Miss Misery - Elliott Smith
Lithium - Nirvana
9 Crimes - Damien Rice
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
Personal Jesus - Marilyn Manson
The End - The Doors
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Where is My Mind - The Pixies
No Distance Left To Run - Blur
Don't think of me - Dido
Everybody's Fool - Evanescence
My Immortal - Evanescence
How To Save A Life - The Fray
Bigmouth Strikes Again - Placebo
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
What I've Done - Linkin Park
Waltz #2 - Elliott Smith
One Step Closer - Linkin Park
Out Of My Mind - James Blunt
Because Of You Kelly - Clarkson
Every you, Every Me - Placebo
Creep -Radiohead
Caring Is Creepy - The Shins
Between the Bars - Elliott Smith
How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths
Summer Overture - Requiem For A Dream OST
Let Go - Frou Frou
The Dope Show - Marilyn Manson
You Have Killed Me - Morrissey
Hurt - Nine Inch Nails
Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead
Mad World - Gary Jules
Six Underground - Sneaker Pimps
Last Resort - Papa Roach
Gloomy Sunday - Portishead
Bottle Up & Explode - Elliott Smith
Pure Morning - Placebo
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Set Fire To The Third Bar - (featuring Martha Wainwright) Snow Patrol